Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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