I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
