It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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