White coat. Heels.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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