you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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