the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
