I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
