so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
