you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
