My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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