Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
