We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
