So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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