Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize