YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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