remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
