It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
