he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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