why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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