Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
