If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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