Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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