worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
