UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
