she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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