Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
