I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
