jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
