I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
