Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
