Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
