she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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