he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize