never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize