hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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