Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
