can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
