I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
