Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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