Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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