Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize