i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
