I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
