I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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