Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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