i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
