oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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