I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
