She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
