i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
