i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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