just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
