K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
