good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sober January is a disaster.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
