her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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