Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
