Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I enjoy the company of your penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
