i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
