Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize