yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
