he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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