Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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