today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
