WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
