Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
