you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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