i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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