I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
