i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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