He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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