did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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