i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
third nipple confirmed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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