my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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